Growing Pains

So you should know something. I love my fiance- a lot. More than a lot actually! And I am so completely excited to marry him. He makes me sane. He makes me laugh. He doesn't let me take life too seriously. He makes me play. He always shows me the sunshine whenever I see rain- that was super cheesy but it's true. However, little did I know when I was asking God for a mate the challenges that come with bringing two lives together!

I'm actually learning a lot about myself. When you're single, there are a lot of things you aren't aware of until you start involving your life with someone else with the intent of forever in mind. You can easily just move from relationship to relationship, just b/c that person got a little too close to something you don't want to talk about. Learning about yourself is not a bad thing at all, in fact, I've found that it's been a place of finding freedom and growing. When you're building something that lasts forever, there's no hiding. The real you has to come out, which is good but scary, especially if you're used to relationships being on your terms. You suddenly become painfully aware of all your issues.

For example, I have recently discovered how unassertive I am. I have always known that I've struggled expressing what I want, but I never knew the word that described my feeling. I work with very assertive women, who have no issues expressing what they want. I, on the other hand, will wait and wait and wait for you to give me something because you should want to give me that, I am a good employee. In my personal life, my fiance could have a happy hour scheduled with his work friends, and I could possibly think to myself that he'd know to call me after his happy hour because he'd know that I'd want to eat dinner with him. I could wait and wait and wait for my fiance to call and then possibly get frustrated with him for leaving me hanging for hours- unbeknown to him of course. So how do I step out of this type of situation that just might happen one day?

I've decided to start asking myself these questions:
1. What did my fiance tell me he was going to do?
2. Did I express to him my true feelings about his plans?
3. Am I expecting him to do something with me the rest of the evening?
4. Did I tell him about my plans for him for the rest of the evening? If not, how am I supposed to tell him?

Working through those issues with your future mate can be rewarding if it's done in the right fashion. We've been doing a lot of practicing with the "active listening" technique. It's helpful because it forces you to listen, acknowledge your partner's feelings, and then your partner must do the same. You apologize and make a plan. Then you move forward. Sounds easy but it may take walking for 6 miles to get everything sorted out. I'd rather walk 6 miles than say hurtful things to one another.

So you want to get married? Go for it. Your human nature will come out and then your mate will remind you of who you really are- forgiven, loved, and that there's lots of grace for you.

Good night!